My son is nearly 20. He is bright but lazy. All he does is mess around on his computer and chat to online friends. He did well in his GCSEs, despite doing zero work, and started a diploma but dropped out because of depression. He had some time off, restarted the course and dropped out again. He's done nothing since. I am at my wits' end.
My dad thinks he's a waste of space and I should kick him out, but that seems harsh. He is polite and will help if I ask, but he has no motivation to do anything. If I try to talk to him about it, he digs his heels in and does less. His father and I split up when he was four; he's never had a dad in his life. I was single until five years ago, but that relationship has just ended.
At one stage my son was very depressed and talked about feeling hopeless. He had a few counselling sessions, but I don't think they helped. He seems fine now, but I worry that pushing him will cause him to spiral again. He lacks self-confidence and seems happy to exist in the microcosm of his bedroom. I know he needs to take responsibility for his life, but how hard should I work to make that happen?
His two older sisters are not like him at all; both are independent and getting on with their lives. I worry that if anything happened to me, my son wouldn't have the skills to cope. Should I kick him out and give him some tough love, or let him grow up a bit?
I loathe the term "tough love". Sure, it's tough loving people sometimes, through certain situations; but to me tough denotes something hard and unyielding, which isn't love at all. I think you are torn between what you want to do and what you feel others are saying you should do. You should ignore what your father is saying: that is not helpful at all. You know your son: what's your instinct telling you?